Happy New Year From Toner Mishap to You

Good resolutions are useless attempts to interfere with scientific laws. Their origin is pure vanity. Their result is absolutely nil.… They are simply cheques that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Oscar Wilde (1854–1900), playwright

A hearty and happy New Year to all Toner Mishap readers and as a public service I will share with you Esquire’s The Rules: A Man’s Guide to Life in order to help with your New Year’s resolutions.

1. Do not trust a man who calls the bathroom the little boys’ room.
2. No talking at the urinal.
3. Sitcom characters watching porn always tilt their heads.
4. If you are under 80, you should never utter the phrase the whole kit and caboodle
5. The weirder the cell phone ring, the more annoying the person.
6. Any superhero worth his salt could fly without his cape.
7. There’s a special circle in hell reserved for those who adjust their rearview mirrors while you wait for their parking space. ( I will add also for people who hold up traffic while applying make-up).
8. The day that the New York Times referred to Snoop Doggy Dogg on second reference as Mr. Dogg was the day the whole formal news outlet edifice began to crumble.
9. Anybody who says they “work hard and play hard” probably does neither.
10. If someone begins an opinion by saying, “now, I’m not [fill in the blank],” then that person is “[fill in the blank].”